The idealism list of the PERFECT opposite gender

When I was young and naive, I always have this list about my future partner. He must be tall, dark and handsome :) Of course, the list went on: cooking, love kids, love outdoors, love this and that. Love me. How silly~

I've heard many sharing based on relationships: Some said we should have a list to at least know what we want in a person. Some said we should NOT have a list and accept what God will give. I would conclude that it’s important to have a list ‘what you desire to see in a person’ and not to expect the person to do things you don’t do, so that you are “compatible” with each other.

Firstly, the list should not be on the outward of the person only (physical and mentally).

We have a perfect idealism of how this future partner should be. We want this person to do things we cannot do. We want the person to be “compatible” to us. Yet, we forget to most important thing in the relationship. It’s not about ME. It’s not about getting the most COMPATIBLE man / woman on this face of the Earth, and then we will be perfect. The list being made is selfish. Because you only fulfill what YOU want. You are not programming another person to be how you want it to be. The list you have made, make a point to achieve it yourself. If it is a skill you need to learn, learn it. If it is something you enjoy doing, find joy in doing it. When you find joy in the things that you have listed, you find yourself being more joyful and less critical. 

The qualities in the person is far more important than all that could be seen outwardly. What is important throughout time? The values and principles. These shapes the person and their lifestyle. What they holds most dearly in their heart, they will strive and lived it out. From a Christian standpoint, a man or woman that lived under the Lordship of Christ is far more attractive. 

Secondly, have a paradigm shift. 

Don't get into a relationship because you are desperate. Speaking from experience, when you are in a relationship because you are desperate, then things will not turn out well. There will only be superficial joy and an un-lasting relationship. Never ever be in a relationship because you are not happy. I can assure you that you won’t be happy in relationship also.

Thirdly, love is not possessive.

Have you ever watch the movie entitled ‘Bruce Almighty’? Bruce reached a point in his relationship with Grace, that all he wants is to find happiness based on materialism. He did what he wishes and neglected the feelings of his girlfriend (Grace). But, with all the power given to him, there was one thing he couldn’t tampered with, that is free will. It’s Grace’s free will to love him. He can’t make her love him. So, he did all he had too externally, so that Grace would fall in love with him. But, she couldn’t anymore. Her prayer to ‘God’ changed Bruce entirely: To give him the peace of finding who he really is within. Bruce changed that night. He prayed that Grace would find joy again. If she would be happier with another person, then let it be so. All he desire is that she would regain joy and peace again.

Constantly be reminded first that this relationship is a GIFT from God. Secondly, remember every gift that is given has its limitation. God has given you to each other in a particular way for a particular time. He is still Master of each of you, and it is first of all to Him you answer. Trust the God who gave him to you, believe Him to keep you both. You come to understanding that he/she is not you to own.

Fourthly, prayer is good for the soul.

Ask the Lord honest questions.

-       God, what is your will for my life?

-       Am I ready to be in a relationship?

To be in a relationship is a gift from God. This gift that had been granted is to glorify God’s name. Your lifestyle as a couple should be a testimony of His goodness. J

Note: Let Me Be A Woman. Elisabeth Elliot. 1976.